A walk to remember

So for this blog I have decided to write down some of my favorite memories so far. All of these things, both good and bad, I try to treasure. Being a mom of 5 makes it hard to stop and smell the roses (or remember anyones name at that moment I need that specific person). But something I have seen God teaching me is that this time is too short. The things that seem so HUGE AND HEAVY today will be my belly laughs tomorrow. I keep hearing Him say over and over that one day "you are going to miss this".....

Nov. 6th 2:39pm

They are bringing the kids now. I'm kinda nervous. But God's in control....

8:22pm

Gosh gals, I cried. I hope God has a plan. They are all out(sleeping). It's just so much to process. I hope we didn't make a mistake by getting involved. It's just painful to watch them suffer.....

Nov. 7th 2012 3:39am

Can't sleep. All I keep hearing in my head when I start to doze is "keep them, I'll do the rest", "love them, like I've loved you", "do this like I did for you". The harvest just got dropped at my door.

Nov 8th 6:45pm

Popcorn movie night with the kids. All cuddled up on the couch with ALL of them. Trying to distract and calm nerves before court tomorrow.

Nov. 9th 2012 9:30am

I want a donut!....

Nov. 11th 2012 10:45am

Praise THE LORD! I got to shave my legs this morning! Can I get an amen????!?!?! AMEN SISTERS!

1:58pm

I can feel your prayers!!!! J did amazingly well at church! She even went into the nursery! I cried during worship because she's doing so well! Thank you all for your love and support!!!!

Nov. 15th 2012 8:28am

I think the kids are getting a hang of the new routine. What do they say when it's babies; "it's a habit after three days"? Well day one check!

WORDS OF WISDOM EVERY MOM SHOULD WRITE DOWN:

routine + flexibility = joyful stability


balance x compromise = peaceful understanding


rules - relationship = rebellion


love + discipline + love + time + love + patience + love + forgiveness + love = trust = obedience

Dec. 1st 2012 4:01pm

So, today I had dozed off on the couch during naptime (had a horrible morning). All of a sudden I heard something fall upstairs. As I rounded the corner to go check I see Noah walk by with a brand new stick of Steven’s DO!!!!!!!!!!!!! When I went upstairs I found the following:
 1. My entire floor (basically everywhere they could reach) had been WAXED in Steven’s DO!
 2. Both boys were covered in said DO AAAND had spiked each others hair with it!
 3. They had either rolled in it and then rolled in my sheets OOOOR they intentionally took the stick and covered every inch of my 400 THREAD COUNT SHEETS WITH IT! 
4. And the cat; OH THE CAT. 
In conclusion I have spent my entire "break" (where I was suppose to be doing home work) de-waxing my floor, trying to wash sheets, and trying to get their nasty greasy bodies clean. 
I entered the above "funny" story in Noah's journal in hopes that in 20 years I will find it funny. Because today NOT FUNNY.

Sincerely,


the mom who now grossly smells like a extremely clean boy.

Dec 15th 2012 7:33pm

GAAAAAAAA, yes that is my entry in the journals tonight.

Dec 17th 2012 way too early

Peanut butter cup madness!

Dec 20th 2012

Me: Jesus and Santa are watching 


Noah: and Jesus lives in mine and Aiden’s heart so he really knows


Me: that's right


Noah: Jailynn? Do you have Jesus in you heart?


J: no


Noah: you have sins like me. When you're not nice, and take toys and hit. That's bad, sin is bad. We all do bad things, but Jesus can help us! Do you want to pray Jesus into your heart? 


J: YES!


Noah: mom? Can you help J pray Jesus into her heart?


Me: of course Noahy!
 (All three littles bowed their heads and listened to J pray!)

Watching my 5 run hand in hand to church, having three three year olds, potty training success, wrestling and farting on daddy, experiencing God's saving grace with two of them, being humbled at my God using my 3 year old to convict me.....

These among SO many other memories are only the beginning of the memories we will hopefully be sharing!

SO many friends family and strangers have been supporting us financially! SO, many people throughout the last three months have given us food, money and gift cards! Every time I started to doubt God provided through these amazing and kindhearted people! I cannot thank you all enough for the humble blessings!

"God is bigger then the boogie man...." -Jr. Asparagus

This past weekend we celebrated baby girls 3rd birthday! For us it felt like celebrating her 1st birthday! Her bio mom never let us around. The first three years of her life we may have seen her a few times; even then she was so scared of the word around her and was so socially deprived that she was antisocial. The lifelessness and fear that you could see in her eyes pained me so deeply. No matter how hard I tried to fight for them no one listened. I knew she was suffering along with her three other siblings but I was powerless to do anything. For years and years I have wept over these children and the earthly hell they suffered at the hands of the two people who should protect them the most, their bio parents. At her birthday dinner there was a great grandma, one set of grandparents, two great aunts, aunt, siblings and us. As I watched the family celebrate with her I quietly begged God to please not let this end. Please let these babies be able to heal and to have a chance at a "normal" life. Baby girl has such a zest for life now! She is so spunky, energetic and out going! She has Jesus in her heart and it is intoxicating to watch her thrive and love the world around her! Not only is her body healing and growing physically her heart and fears are mending too!

With visitation being reinstated soon I can not help but fight my inner realist and pessimist that they are going to be reunited with their bio mom. As I fight my natural instincts I am reminded of a silly song from veggie tales(the songs in these videos haunt my dream;):

"God is bigger then the boogie man, He's bigger then Godzilla or the monsters on TV! OH, God is bigger then the boogie man and He's watching out for you and me!"

Even better then the wise words from a cartoon veggie I am reminded of Psalms 56:11 In God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?(or these kids) AND Psalms 20:4 May He give you your heart's desire and fulfill your plans!"

All of the above reminds me that Yes, God does in fact have the kid's best interest at heart even when I doubt. If the kids are thrown back into the lions den with her I need to trust that the work that is being instilled in them now will be a life raft for them later. I need to give my desires to the Lord, trust that He will grant them and be thankful for whatever the outcome may be! I just can not fathom how anyone can survive in this world without Jesus Christ. For me without His saving grace this life would just not be worth living.

No higher calling...

Personally I do not feel that there is a higher calling then that of a mother. Any female has the ability to create life and give birth. But it takes a real woman, a fighter, a forgiver, a missionary, a booboo fixer, a sacrificer, a meal maker, a butt wiper, and an over all servant to be a real mom. Moms come in all shapes and sizes. Some moms have their children grow in their hearts first and then the right baby is sent to them through adoption. Other babies grow in their mommy's bellies and their hearts all at the same time. No matter how your baby came to you a mother's love is steadfast and unconditional.

My calling is two fold. My son was a gift from above. A miracle. An act of love between my husband and I and a prayer granted from above. I treasure every day with my son. The second part of this calling has come through a lot of pain and tears. One mother lost her son, and I received four children. God came knocking on my hearts door. He spoke to me and said "here...I have a mighty harvest for you to care for". At first I was feeling that God had given me too much. But God promises to never give us more then we can handle. He also promises us that we will never walk alone. When I look into the eyes of these four young babies and see their pain I think; how am I right for this Lord? And again I was convicted that it is not "I" doing it....it's God and the Holy Spirit that can do it through me. I am tool that God is using. I submit to the Lord's calling and He CAN do mighty things.

At a baby shower a couple months back the wise woman who gave the devotion pierced my heart. We were only a few weeks in on our journey as I sat there and heard God speaking through her. She spoke of Mary, the woman God chose to be the mother of His son, my savior. She spoke of how this young teenage girl must have felt. Mary was being asked to bare the savior of the world! What a blessing, a gift, and a very scary journey. Her journey was HUGE. The task that laid before her seemed to be unreal. She could have responded differently then she did. She could have laughed and said "THERE'S NO WAY! This is my life and I can't give up that much!" But she didn't. She excepted God's calling...and I am so glad she did. Because Mary obeyed God I benefit! We all benefit! I was adopted into God's family because a teenage girl chose to obey. With that lesson burned into my heart I left there thinking, if she can do what she did who am I to say no? She trusted and obeyed even though she knew what was likely to happen to the baby she would love so deeply. Mary's obedience is an inspiration to me.

Many women have done great things for God, society, and the world. But no woman can do anything greater then allowing God to use her in the lives of her children. Even though my bond with the four is not as strong yet as it is with my son; I can feel God working. He is pulling on my heart in ways only HE can...

The list.

I've been challenged to create a list of the reasons why I am doing this. This list felt like it would never grow. I had my doubts that anything positive would never come to pass. At first I thought I am doing this because I am crazy or hitting a mid life crisis. But soon through the wisdom of my prayer team God started opening my eyes to the real reasons I am doing this....

1. I have a heart for kids.

2. God called me to it

3. Just as I am adopted by God as His child I need to show the same grace to these children.

4. To see God's salvation through the eyes of my son and the kids in our home that he wants to reach for Christ at only almost 4 years old.

5. Being there as the Holy Spirit enters and gives new life to my kids. I may not have carried them inside of me nor been there for their earthly births; but I was there for their new birth in Jesus Christ.

I am sure there are many more reasons that I can not remember right now and many more to come but for now this is a great list that I cherish!

  

Is. 58:11

The journey...

I have been encouraged to start blogging. Some say its therapeutic, others say it helps us to think back, reflect and laugh. I am not really sure who wants to read about my life and the journey I am on but if nothing else it will help to remember where I've been, how God has done miraculous things and where He is taking me.

God has given me a great challenge. A challenge I have had little faith in His mighty hand to get me through. So many people keep telling me "this is why god built you strong!" "no one can do what you are doing" "God has great faith in you"....I keep smiling and nodding. Thinking to myself "are you kidding me? this is NOT in my capabilities!" and you know what? All of the above is true. Its not in my abilities at all, but its totally in God's abilities. Oh me of little faith. Who am I to speculate God's power through me? I have always been one of little faith. Trust is something I struggle with. Standing on my own feels safe to me. Keeping people at a safe distance is where I feel most comfortable. But God calls us to lean on Him.To trust Him completely. No matter how dark the road may be, He promises to never leave us nor forsake us. This promise I rest in. Most days I can not help but feel frustrated at the pain I see in so many, so many "good" people. Why is there so much hurt and pain in this world? What I have come to see is that this life isn't suppose to be perfect. Its an ugly place. But as a Christian I have hope that this is NOT all there is and God will restore what we have broken. Even though there is so much pain here on this earth, in this life, we can choose joy in any circumstance. We can choose to see the beauty in the fact that God IS working in ways we will never comprehend. God's love for his people is perfect. 

Even though the unknown is scary I will walk, I will fight, I will love his people and I will be obedient to His calling. I know I will fall, I will doubt and I will feel like giving up; but through prayer and the strength of the Holy Spirit God will pull me back up. 

On November 6th 2012 my life changed forever. My husband and i have been struggling to conceive. We have tried for so long and have had failed infertility treatments. I could not understand why God would give me such a deep love for children yet leave my heart aching. I have been blessed with one sweet and perfect little boy. I could not have asked for a more precious gift. 

One day I prayed out to God asking why? Why is this happening? Why can't we have another one? During that time I watched my nieces and nephews suffering so greatly through the wicked ways of their parents. This made me angry. Why do people so terrible get beautiful babies? Yet here I am. Why does my friend grieve the loss of her two babies at just 5 days old? Some of these questions we may never know the answers to. But in that moment I prayed and said "Lord? if it is not your will for me to bare any more children then please close up my womb. But I am begging you to please give me those babies that are suffering....." April 2nd, 2012 was a painful day for so many...but that day started the process of these four sweet babies to be pulled from their earthly turmoil. 

November 6th 2012 God changed my life....He brought me more babies then I know what to do with at times. He entrusted me with 4 kids that need to be shown God's love. This is my journey...