The journey...

I have been encouraged to start blogging. Some say its therapeutic, others say it helps us to think back, reflect and laugh. I am not really sure who wants to read about my life and the journey I am on but if nothing else it will help to remember where I've been, how God has done miraculous things and where He is taking me.

God has given me a great challenge. A challenge I have had little faith in His mighty hand to get me through. So many people keep telling me "this is why god built you strong!" "no one can do what you are doing" "God has great faith in you"....I keep smiling and nodding. Thinking to myself "are you kidding me? this is NOT in my capabilities!" and you know what? All of the above is true. Its not in my abilities at all, but its totally in God's abilities. Oh me of little faith. Who am I to speculate God's power through me? I have always been one of little faith. Trust is something I struggle with. Standing on my own feels safe to me. Keeping people at a safe distance is where I feel most comfortable. But God calls us to lean on Him.To trust Him completely. No matter how dark the road may be, He promises to never leave us nor forsake us. This promise I rest in. Most days I can not help but feel frustrated at the pain I see in so many, so many "good" people. Why is there so much hurt and pain in this world? What I have come to see is that this life isn't suppose to be perfect. Its an ugly place. But as a Christian I have hope that this is NOT all there is and God will restore what we have broken. Even though there is so much pain here on this earth, in this life, we can choose joy in any circumstance. We can choose to see the beauty in the fact that God IS working in ways we will never comprehend. God's love for his people is perfect. 

Even though the unknown is scary I will walk, I will fight, I will love his people and I will be obedient to His calling. I know I will fall, I will doubt and I will feel like giving up; but through prayer and the strength of the Holy Spirit God will pull me back up. 

On November 6th 2012 my life changed forever. My husband and i have been struggling to conceive. We have tried for so long and have had failed infertility treatments. I could not understand why God would give me such a deep love for children yet leave my heart aching. I have been blessed with one sweet and perfect little boy. I could not have asked for a more precious gift. 

One day I prayed out to God asking why? Why is this happening? Why can't we have another one? During that time I watched my nieces and nephews suffering so greatly through the wicked ways of their parents. This made me angry. Why do people so terrible get beautiful babies? Yet here I am. Why does my friend grieve the loss of her two babies at just 5 days old? Some of these questions we may never know the answers to. But in that moment I prayed and said "Lord? if it is not your will for me to bare any more children then please close up my womb. But I am begging you to please give me those babies that are suffering....." April 2nd, 2012 was a painful day for so many...but that day started the process of these four sweet babies to be pulled from their earthly turmoil. 

November 6th 2012 God changed my life....He brought me more babies then I know what to do with at times. He entrusted me with 4 kids that need to be shown God's love. This is my journey...